A Truly Hypnotic Relationship

Having spent quite a bit of time around hypnotists something that I have noticed is that one topic of conversation that rarely seems to come up is the hypnotic relationship between a hypnotist and their significant other. By that I mean do they do hypnosis with their partner and if so, what do they do? Now, whilst this is not a blog about my relationship with my girlfriend, and I won't be discussing my own relationship here, that doesn't mean that it isn't a topic that I've not given some thought. I have the accounts given by a few who have been successful with their partners to go on, but of course no names will be mentioned.

So here my thoughts on the hypnotic relationship, by which in this context I mean a romantic or sexual relationship that involves hypnosis.

When I ask other hypnotists about whether they've used hypnosis with their partners the majority of responses are that it's either something that they've not really tried for whatever reason, or that it is something they tried and their partner didn't "go under".

This is something that baffles me, because to my mind the interpersonal connection between two people in that sort of relationship is already hypnotic.

Don't believe me? Consider it this way: When a person is intensely attracted to someone else they tend to focus their thoughts on that individual, become detached from the rest of the world and accept anything about or from that person seemingly without rational thought.

Does that sound familiar?

What got me thinking along these lines was recent discussion about the state of "permanosis" (a Jacquinism for a subject being in a permanent state of hypnosis). I agreed that some subjects will enter this state of continuous hypnotic receptivity during a hypnosis session, but I added that I think permanosis is a state that can and does exist for most people in certain circumstances.

The circumstance that immediately came to mind for me is the way that someone will react when faced with someone they are extremely attracted to. Men are probably the worst at this as far as I can see, but women are also susceptible. Over the years I've seen guys become obscessed with a particular woman, follow them around and do practically anything they ask in a seemingly trancelike state. Afterward they may even say to themselves "That was stupid! Why on earth did I do that?!"

Now that's hypnosis if ever I saw it! 

So the impression I get is that many hypnotists I get fail to recognise this pre-existing hypnotic effect if try to do hypnosis with their partner. Going on what I've heard I get the impression that what they usually do is run through their normal routine, often set pieces then a rapid induction, and more often than not nothing happens.

In my opinion this is indicative of just how little understanding some otherwise brilliant impromptu hypnotists have when it comes to trance from the point of view of the subject. True it is said that close friends and family can be the hardest people to hypnotise because they may have trouble seeing someone they already know as the hypnotist, but there can be advantages too such as trust, rapport, and in the case of ones partner the pre-existing state of hypnosis I already mentioned. Hypnotists should have no excuse when it comes to hypnotising their partners, and yet so many seem to fail.    

This is of course assuming that they aren't all really giving their partners orgasm handshakes every evening and just not telling anyone.

So where are they going wrong?

Well I think the biggest mistake they make has to do with context. As I have said before hypnosis is subject oriented; it is dependant on what the subject wants to get from the experience. Now in the case of a hypnosis show on stage, or a performance in the street, establishing this need is very easy; the subject is there to be entertained and the hypnotist has quite a broad remit to try whatever they want. When, however, they sit down with their partner the context is entirely different and I think difficulties occur when they don't adapt to meet these new circumstances.

"What does my subject want from this experience?"

This is by far the most important question any hypnotist should ask, and it isn't asked often enough in my opinion. This process is two way though; not only should the hypnotist make every effort to find out what it is that their partner wants, but they should also make the effort to explain what is on offer.

Both hypnotist and subject should got into the session knowing what sort of thing they are trying to do. The trick is to discover exactly what the other partner wants, and then to use hypnosis to give that to them, or enhance it.

For example, when one considers that all aspects of intimacy come under the umbrella of the rapport between a couple and the trances they are in when they are giving each other their complete attention the mind boggles at the wealth of possibilities that present themselves when they recognise that state for what it truly is, a hypnotic one. Everything from intensifying or triggering emotions or sensations all the way through to manipulating a person's sexual response, which I am told on strong authority works very well.

I know that a lot has been said about those who have a mind control or domination fetishes or other kinks, and certainly those sorts of games are possible applications of hypnosis, but I have also talked to couples who have used hypnosis in a more conventional form of intimacy, and not necessarily sexual intimacy either. So much is possible I would need hundreds of blog posts to cover them all; I don't have the time, and I really don't want to feel that jealous!

In conclusion what I would say to the impromptu hypnotist is this: Throw out the rulebook, forget your normal routines. Discover what it is that your partner wants, have them close their eyes and listen to you, and go from there.