Why I love to Jive

Today I have been in London attending a workshop and it's brought me to understand a number of concepts, which I would like to share.

Readers of this blog will have noticed that I like to bring in references to other activities that I have participated in. Part of this is because I believe that a broad range of very different skills are worth more than the sum of its parts, but I also think it is true to say that an understanding of hypnosis is something that greatly enriches ones understanding of all aspects of life.

Something that has always been true of me is that I like to embrace completely new challenges from time to time. A few years ago I had a conversation with a co-worker about his interest in modern jive dancing. When, back in November, I found myself wanting to find new things to do with my time, and because dancing was definitely not me, as in not the sort of thing I'd ever even considered doing before, I of course threw myself straight into it.

If not modern jive, I can definitely recommend this attitude to life.

I also make no secret of the fact that meeting women played no small part in my motivation. As with most people whose vocation in life lies with engineering, the physical sciences or computers, my relationship with attractive young women has in the past been as a man lost in the desert's relationship with water. Meeting lots of women in an environment where the only agenda is to have fun has only been a good thing for me.

So how does modern jive relate to hypnosis? Well, I experienced a moment during the workshop today that connected so many dots it took me a couple of hours to trace all the lines. Hypnosis, trance, the subconscious and attraction all tied together, and it's beautiful.

You see as it's a partner dance one person, the man, leads and the other, the woman, follows. The link to hypnosis came out of the moment when the guy teaching the course started to demonstrate some of the more advanced concepts of lead and follow with his assistant. She was a gorgeous young woman with a wonderful petite figure, short brown hair and shining blue eyes, but the most impressive thing about her was the way she moved because it was so smooth and elegant, especially the way her hips swayed as she transfered her weight from foot to foot. She'd been dancing for five years, actually had "To live... Is to dance" tattooed on her forearm, and every movement of her body seemed so easy and natural.

It was when the teacher took her hand and started showing the men how to lead, however, that the hypnotist inside me woke up. "Oh my goodness" it said "she's going into trance". It was as plain as day, the shift in mental state was all over her face; I know that look and I'd recognise it anywhere! She was looking at the teacher with a blank receptive expression, her eyes locked on him, as her body responded to the instructions his hands gave her: forward; back; spin left; spin right. Obviously over years of dancing she has reached a point where no conscious input is required, she knows the cues and the subconscious responds making her body move as though on autopilot.

So firstly we have what every person who enjoys exercise has, which is a trance state. Secondly she is being purely feminine: she doesn't have to think along a timeline; she doesn't have to think about anything spacial; she can live and express herself in the moment. Finally we have the kind of sexual polarity that David Deida talks about between masculine and feminie that exists in the dance state (pardon the pun). Feminity is balanced against the masculinity of her dance partner who confidently leads the way into the next move and is always there to catch her.

No wonder she loves dancing!

A nice little showcase of this kind of lead and follow comes in an exercise that beginners to modern jive are shown. Partners stand facing each other and place their palms against the palms of their partner with just a little bit of pressure. The follower's role is to maintain that pressure and to move in whatever way is necessary to do so. The leader is thus able to move their partner around just by moving their own hands. The result feels exactly the same as a hypnotic hand stick and I guess a lot of the principles are the same. For the follower it's about agreeing to be led (not controlled; led) and going with it. If they really trust you, as the leader you can get them to close their eyes, lead them backward, forward, turn them in either direction and, if you're feeling particularly mischievous, without warning deposit them into the nearest sofa.

Before you ask yes I have been tempted to weave in a little hypnosis into that exercise, and I will probably at some point come up with a routine based on it.

Anyway, coming back to the hot assistant and her dance trance, so many things about what I find attractive in women slotted into place too. I have always found a woman's eyes to be the outward feature I find most attractive and I always know when a woman has had an impact on me because I have a lingering impression of her eye colour; it's possibly the closest thing I've ever had to synesthesia. Anyway I always thought my affinity for eyes was because they express personality and intelligence, and of course they do, but now I think there's more to it than that. I think that what I am seeing and being attracted to, certain looks and expressions, is an expression of something that is deeply feminine; that receptive almost entranced look especially.

Yes I did dance with that girl at the workshop. It was a lot of fun but my word was it intimidating. Asking "how did I do?" most unattractively after running through new moves was something that I found most difficult, although she did give me some very useful pointers on technique.

Going back to attraction a month or so ago following a conversation with a female friend who was having trouble finding men she was attracted to I wanted to see if there was any material out there that was the female equivalent of David DeAngelo's Double your Dating. I came across an ebook that seems to be exactly that called Sensuality Secrets written by a woman called Patty Contenta, and it turns out that she is a ballroom dance teacher. I actually found it fascinating because the emphasis is entirely different to all the material out there for men as it focuses on posture and body language, which I guess reflects how different the sense of attractiveness is to men and women.

My friend's reaction was interesting though, because she commented that a lot of the Sensuality Secrets stuff, from the preview material on the website, just comes across as being subservient. This came at around about the same time as a friend's girlfriend, who is a feminist, commented that I shouldn't be approaching women and taking it for granted I will be leading the dance, rather I should be asking them if they would like me to. I think these are responses that are indicative of the difficulties facing men in the modern era. Women are so empowered nowadays and some would even say women are so independent that they don't need men any more. What is our role supposed to be if we are no longer the breadwinners and the head of the household?

Personally I happen to think that women need men more than ever in the modern age. Women need men in order to be women, just as night cannot exist without day. It's all about polarity, and there is no escaping the behaviours and desires that evolution gave us. I think the independence and equality women have today is a very good thing; I actually find myself most attracted to strong independent women. Deep down though all women want to be led when it's time to dance; dance literally or metaphorically; they want to feel that polarity with a partner even if they don't understand it.

So, I like to dance because partner dancing is a microcosm of the relationship between a man and a woman. It's a great way for the sexes to appreciate what they want from each other when it comes to what they need from each other. Attraction is a dance, flirting is a dance, dating is a dance. As a man I can concentrate on learning the steps, leading with confidence, and letting everything flow naturally.

Above all though, dancing is fun.